1 00:00:04,926 --> 00:00:06,891 ♪ Itsy-bitsy spider ♪ 2 00:00:07,029 --> 00:00:09,097 ♪ Went up the waterspout ♪ 3 00:00:09,234 --> 00:00:10,854 ♪ Down came the rain ♪ 4 00:00:10,992 --> 00:00:13,990 ♪ And washed The spider out ♪ 5 00:00:16,645 --> 00:00:19,712 ♪ And, uh... Tipper Gore ♪ 6 00:00:19,850 --> 00:00:21,884 ♪ Has a lot of clout ♪ 7 00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:24,434 ♪ And... Sometimes you sit ♪ 8 00:00:24,572 --> 00:00:26,951 ♪ And you could Start to pout ♪ 9 00:00:27,089 --> 00:00:29,397 ♪ Some people have, um ♪ 10 00:00:29,536 --> 00:00:32,879 ♪ A very bad case Of gout ♪ 11 00:00:33,017 --> 00:00:34,430 ♪ And if You're not sure ♪ 12 00:00:34,568 --> 00:00:37,739 ♪ That's called You doubt ♪ 13 00:00:37,877 --> 00:00:40,807 That's how it goes. 14 00:00:53,042 --> 00:00:55,317 ♪ Tell me why ♪ 15 00:00:55,456 --> 00:00:57,144 ♪ I love you like I do ♪ 16 00:00:57,282 --> 00:00:58,661 ♪ Tell me who ♪ 17 00:00:58,799 --> 00:01:01,418 ♪ Can stop my heart As much as you ♪ 18 00:01:01,556 --> 00:01:03,797 ♪ Tell me All your secrets ♪ 19 00:01:03,934 --> 00:01:05,312 ♪ I'll tell you Most of mine ♪ 20 00:01:05,451 --> 00:01:07,726 ♪ They say Nobody's perfect ♪ 21 00:01:07,864 --> 00:01:10,172 ♪ Well, that's really True this time ♪ 22 00:01:10,310 --> 00:01:14,447 ♪ I don't have the answers I don't have a plan ♪ 23 00:01:14,585 --> 00:01:16,860 ♪ All I have is you So, baby ♪ 24 00:01:16,998 --> 00:01:18,652 ♪ Help me understand ♪ 25 00:01:18,790 --> 00:01:20,478 ♪ What we do ♪ 26 00:01:20,616 --> 00:01:22,822 ♪ You can whisper In my ear ♪ 27 00:01:22,960 --> 00:01:24,477 ♪ Where we go ♪ 28 00:01:24,615 --> 00:01:26,958 ♪ Who knows what happens After here? ♪ 29 00:01:27,096 --> 00:01:29,441 ♪ Let's take Each other's hand ♪ 30 00:01:29,578 --> 00:01:33,197 ♪ And jump Into the final frontier ♪ 31 00:01:34,990 --> 00:01:37,540 ♪ Mad about you ♪ 32 00:01:39,126 --> 00:01:41,642 ♪ Mad about you ♪ 33 00:01:45,640 --> 00:01:48,122 Clam chowder. That would be a soup. 34 00:01:48,259 --> 00:01:51,500 Rice cakes. That would be a snacking item. 35 00:01:51,637 --> 00:01:54,429 And pimentos. Pimentos. Boy, that's, hmm, 36 00:01:54,567 --> 00:01:57,497 fruits? Vegetable? 37 00:01:57,635 --> 00:01:59,806 We'll say miscellaneous. 38 00:01:59,944 --> 00:02:01,702 It's nothing to be ashamed of. 39 00:02:01,840 --> 00:02:03,011 Condiment. 40 00:02:03,149 --> 00:02:04,149 Seriously? Trust me. 41 00:02:05,390 --> 00:02:07,251 Yeah. Tell me again why we do this. 42 00:02:07,389 --> 00:02:11,042 Because last night we ate 13-year-old creamed corn. 43 00:02:19,487 --> 00:02:21,589 I thought it was gravy. 44 00:02:24,450 --> 00:02:25,794 Hey, splink, how are you? 45 00:02:25,932 --> 00:02:27,207 Hello. 46 00:02:27,345 --> 00:02:29,517 What's the matter with you? 47 00:02:29,655 --> 00:02:30,516 What? 48 00:02:30,654 --> 00:02:31,854 Why are you walking like that? 49 00:02:31,929 --> 00:02:32,964 Like what? 50 00:02:33,102 --> 00:02:35,272 Like a... like a really timid monkey. 51 00:02:35,411 --> 00:02:36,411 Hey, can I have this? 52 00:02:36,480 --> 00:02:37,513 No, you can't have it. 53 00:02:37,651 --> 00:02:38,513 Hi, James. 54 00:02:38,651 --> 00:02:40,478 Hey. Nice pants. 55 00:02:40,616 --> 00:02:41,616 Thank you. 56 00:02:41,649 --> 00:02:43,477 That's what it is... the pants! 57 00:02:43,614 --> 00:02:44,752 What? 58 00:02:44,890 --> 00:02:46,650 The pants, with your funny little walk there. 59 00:02:46,716 --> 00:02:47,578 Look at you. 60 00:02:47,716 --> 00:02:48,716 You know what, my friend? 61 00:02:48,853 --> 00:02:50,680 You are just jealous because I can still 62 00:02:50,818 --> 00:02:54,506 fit into a pair of pants that I wore 20 years ago. 63 00:02:54,644 --> 00:02:56,746 And you're saying you're comfortable in these pants. 64 00:02:56,884 --> 00:02:57,884 More or less, yes. 65 00:02:57,953 --> 00:02:59,193 Yeah, okay. Tell you what. 66 00:02:59,331 --> 00:03:03,122 Here's 20 bucks. If you can pick it up, it's yours. 67 00:03:06,432 --> 00:03:07,811 Hello, hello, hello, hello. 68 00:03:07,948 --> 00:03:09,603 Yeah. Nice talking to you. 69 00:03:09,741 --> 00:03:10,861 Well, they look really nice. 70 00:03:10,981 --> 00:03:11,843 Thank you, James. 71 00:03:11,980 --> 00:03:12,980 So, Paulie, uh, 72 00:03:13,015 --> 00:03:14,335 come with me today, will you, huh? 73 00:03:14,463 --> 00:03:15,600 What's today? 74 00:03:15,738 --> 00:03:17,458 Oh, Ira's got a very, very fascinating date. 75 00:03:17,564 --> 00:03:18,426 With who? 76 00:03:18,564 --> 00:03:20,253 I have no idea. 77 00:03:20,391 --> 00:03:21,735 What am I missing? 78 00:03:21,873 --> 00:03:24,665 Last week, after a very lengthy hiatus, 79 00:03:24,803 --> 00:03:26,767 I actually put on these pair of pants, 80 00:03:26,905 --> 00:03:28,526 and in the pocket, I found this. 81 00:03:28,663 --> 00:03:29,766 What is it? 82 00:03:29,904 --> 00:03:32,213 It's a program from the Hayden Planetarium 83 00:03:32,351 --> 00:03:33,661 from, like, 1979. 84 00:03:33,799 --> 00:03:36,143 Somebody wrote a note, see, with today's date. 1 p.m., 85 00:03:36,280 --> 00:03:37,900 and a little note saying, "See you then." 86 00:03:38,038 --> 00:03:39,038 Wow. 87 00:03:39,175 --> 00:03:40,175 Wild, isn't it? 88 00:03:40,210 --> 00:03:42,174 She kissed it. That's so sexy. 89 00:03:42,312 --> 00:03:44,897 Well, listen... we're hoping it's a she. 90 00:03:45,035 --> 00:03:46,862 You have no idea who this is? 91 00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:49,378 James, come on. It was the 1970s. 92 00:03:49,516 --> 00:03:51,584 I had a Trans Am, a beautiful set of muttonchops, 93 00:03:51,722 --> 00:03:54,135 and an afro that made me look 6'5". 94 00:03:55,616 --> 00:03:57,202 It's great that you're going. 95 00:03:57,340 --> 00:03:58,581 It's like fate. 96 00:03:58,719 --> 00:03:59,581 What is? 97 00:03:59,719 --> 00:04:00,719 That Ira would trim down 98 00:04:00,787 --> 00:04:02,407 just in time to fit into these pants 99 00:04:02,544 --> 00:04:04,475 that have been in mothballs since, like, 1979, 100 00:04:04,612 --> 00:04:06,893 that you find this in the pocket and keep the appointment. 101 00:04:06,956 --> 00:04:07,818 It's destiny! 102 00:04:07,956 --> 00:04:08,956 Yeah. 103 00:04:08,990 --> 00:04:10,748 She gets like this when she cleans. 104 00:04:10,885 --> 00:04:12,023 Paul, are you coming with? 105 00:04:12,161 --> 00:04:14,643 No, I'm wiping peanut butter here. I got a lot to do. 106 00:04:14,781 --> 00:04:16,821 But if it turns out it's destiny, you'll call us up. 107 00:04:16,883 --> 00:04:19,744 Okay. Just hope if she turns up, she's not some nut. 108 00:04:19,881 --> 00:04:21,984 Well, if she's some nut, you call us up. 109 00:04:22,122 --> 00:04:23,742 Are they really pop tarts? 110 00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:24,741 What's it to you? 111 00:04:24,879 --> 00:04:26,154 I'm just surprised, that's all. 112 00:04:27,568 --> 00:04:29,601 Hey... Oop! I'll get that. 113 00:04:30,705 --> 00:04:31,807 Gets like what? 114 00:04:31,945 --> 00:04:32,945 What? 115 00:04:33,048 --> 00:04:34,048 Gets like what? 116 00:04:34,151 --> 00:04:35,634 What? 117 00:04:35,772 --> 00:04:37,287 Hey, Aunt Syl. Hey, Uncle Burt! 118 00:04:37,426 --> 00:04:38,495 Howdy, howdy, howdy! 119 00:04:38,632 --> 00:04:40,700 Why are you walking like that? 120 00:04:40,838 --> 00:04:42,078 Aw, it's nothing. 121 00:04:46,043 --> 00:04:48,352 I have a cream. 122 00:04:49,179 --> 00:04:50,730 Hey, Burt, Sylvia. 123 00:04:50,868 --> 00:04:52,419 Oh, hi. Hi. 124 00:04:52,557 --> 00:04:54,108 Is that your rearview mirror again? 125 00:04:54,246 --> 00:04:55,246 Yup. 126 00:04:55,383 --> 00:04:57,038 You still driving that piece-of-junk car? 127 00:04:57,176 --> 00:04:58,382 Hey, watch it, buddy. 128 00:04:58,520 --> 00:05:00,623 You've had this car since I'm 10. 129 00:05:00,760 --> 00:05:02,173 There's no reverse. 130 00:05:02,311 --> 00:05:03,552 Seriously, since 1993 131 00:05:03,690 --> 00:05:05,034 the man has only driven forward. 132 00:05:05,172 --> 00:05:06,964 Wherever you need to go it reverse, 133 00:05:07,102 --> 00:05:08,826 there's a way to get there in forward. 134 00:05:08,964 --> 00:05:09,964 I understand that, but... 135 00:05:10,032 --> 00:05:11,152 What do you think people did 136 00:05:11,238 --> 00:05:12,858 before there was a reverse, Mr. Big Shot? 137 00:05:12,996 --> 00:05:14,676 I don't know what they did, but my point... 138 00:05:14,788 --> 00:05:16,409 All right, the "reverse" conversation. 139 00:05:16,547 --> 00:05:17,891 That's it. Listen, 140 00:05:18,028 --> 00:05:20,096 if you don't hear from me before Thursday, 141 00:05:20,234 --> 00:05:21,476 you call somebody, all right? 142 00:05:21,613 --> 00:05:22,922 Good luck. Go get 'em, monkey. 143 00:05:23,060 --> 00:05:24,164 Paulie, your father and I 144 00:05:24,301 --> 00:05:25,577 are going away for the weekend. 145 00:05:25,714 --> 00:05:27,473 I wonder, could we borrow your big suitcase? 146 00:05:27,611 --> 00:05:28,782 Sure. What happened to yours? 147 00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:31,161 Your father keeps his TV Guidesin there. 148 00:05:31,298 --> 00:05:32,849 Sylvia, where are you going? 149 00:05:32,987 --> 00:05:35,193 Oh. Remember the Melvilles? 150 00:05:35,332 --> 00:05:36,192 Enough. 151 00:05:36,331 --> 00:05:38,054 Yeah. Well, we're gonna house-sit 152 00:05:38,191 --> 00:05:39,330 for them in Buffalo. 153 00:05:39,468 --> 00:05:41,294 We're driving up there tomorrow afternoon. 154 00:05:41,432 --> 00:05:42,535 You're driving? Yeah. 155 00:05:42,673 --> 00:05:44,258 Oh, no, no. No, no. 156 00:05:44,396 --> 00:05:45,430 We'll be fine. 157 00:05:45,568 --> 00:05:46,774 No, you are not driving 158 00:05:46,912 --> 00:05:48,360 that stinky car to Buffalo. 159 00:05:48,497 --> 00:05:49,497 You can rent one. 160 00:05:49,635 --> 00:05:51,255 Oh, why rent one? I got snow tires. 161 00:05:51,393 --> 00:05:53,233 Yeah, well, when the snow tires get to Buffalo, 162 00:05:53,357 --> 00:05:54,837 they can send for the rest of the car. 163 00:05:54,908 --> 00:05:56,632 Okay, listen, come on, Burt. 164 00:05:56,770 --> 00:05:58,045 We got to pack. 165 00:05:58,183 --> 00:05:59,975 We'll call when we get there. 166 00:06:00,113 --> 00:06:02,147 All right, but... be-be careful. 167 00:06:02,285 --> 00:06:03,939 Burt, come on. I have to cut the carrots, 168 00:06:04,077 --> 00:06:05,801 I have to make the egg salad... 169 00:06:05,938 --> 00:06:06,938 Road trip! 170 00:06:06,972 --> 00:06:08,730 Yeah, all right, but, jeez, be... 171 00:06:10,970 --> 00:06:12,349 This is not good. 172 00:06:12,487 --> 00:06:13,349 This is very not good. 173 00:06:13,486 --> 00:06:14,348 All right. 174 00:06:14,486 --> 00:06:15,348 What are you gonna do? 175 00:06:15,486 --> 00:06:16,865 I am gonna rent them a car. 176 00:06:17,002 --> 00:06:18,762 No, no, no. You know he'll never go for that. 177 00:06:18,864 --> 00:06:20,759 Well, this trip to Buffalo is not gonna happen, 178 00:06:20,897 --> 00:06:22,380 so please tell me what we should do. 179 00:06:24,654 --> 00:06:27,549 Remember when you lost your Notre Dame t-shirt? 180 00:06:27,687 --> 00:06:31,272 Yeah. I loved that shirt. I used to wear it every day. 181 00:06:31,410 --> 00:06:32,271 Yes, you did. 182 00:06:32,409 --> 00:06:33,684 You hated that shirt. 183 00:06:33,822 --> 00:06:35,182 You always... You said it was ratty 184 00:06:35,270 --> 00:06:36,614 and smelled like Fontina cheese. 185 00:06:36,752 --> 00:06:38,200 Mm-hmm. And then you lost it. 186 00:06:38,338 --> 00:06:39,658 But it all turned out for the best 187 00:06:39,750 --> 00:06:41,681 because people stopped laughing and pointing. 188 00:06:41,819 --> 00:06:44,100 That's true. I was a better man without the shirt. I never 189 00:06:44,231 --> 00:06:46,431 figured out how I lost that shirt. It was in the hamper, 190 00:06:46,507 --> 00:06:48,507 and then it was in the drawer, then it was, like... 191 00:06:48,575 --> 00:06:50,505 gone. 192 00:06:54,917 --> 00:06:55,985 Are you kidding me? 193 00:06:56,123 --> 00:06:57,846 I did it because I love you. 194 00:06:57,984 --> 00:06:58,984 What are you saying? 195 00:06:59,018 --> 00:07:00,810 I'm just saying that sometimes, 196 00:07:00,948 --> 00:07:02,327 when things don't work so good, 197 00:07:02,465 --> 00:07:03,465 they need to... 198 00:07:03,602 --> 00:07:05,050 disappear. 199 00:07:05,877 --> 00:07:07,291 And it's for the best? 200 00:07:07,429 --> 00:07:09,910 Yes... 201 00:07:10,048 --> 00:07:12,874 I'm so scared of you right now, I'm aroused. 202 00:07:14,839 --> 00:07:18,630 As we ponder the celestial magic 203 00:07:18,768 --> 00:07:22,938 of the summertime sky, we know one thing for sure. 204 00:07:23,076 --> 00:07:25,283 That's a lot of stars. 205 00:07:28,419 --> 00:07:30,452 Thank you for coming. Have a nice day. 206 00:07:30,590 --> 00:07:31,727 Hey, how you doing? 207 00:07:31,865 --> 00:07:32,865 Get lost. 208 00:07:32,900 --> 00:07:35,208 Ah, hey, 20 years. Long time, huh? 209 00:07:35,347 --> 00:07:37,277 Why, you haven't aged a day. 210 00:07:40,206 --> 00:07:41,206 Whoa! 211 00:07:44,308 --> 00:07:46,652 Hey, long time no see. 212 00:07:46,790 --> 00:07:47,651 How's it goin'? 213 00:07:47,789 --> 00:07:48,996 Do I look familiar to you? 214 00:07:49,133 --> 00:07:50,995 No, I guess not. 215 00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:56,096 My god, the pants still fit. 216 00:07:56,234 --> 00:07:58,026 Marianne! 217 00:07:58,164 --> 00:07:59,853 Of course! 218 00:07:59,991 --> 00:08:00,991 Mwah! 219 00:08:01,025 --> 00:08:02,749 You didn't even remember. 220 00:08:02,886 --> 00:08:04,713 No, no, I did. I did. 221 00:08:04,851 --> 00:08:06,195 Well, you know, not exactly. 222 00:08:06,333 --> 00:08:07,849 But, hey, I showed up, didn't I? 223 00:08:07,987 --> 00:08:08,987 Yeah. 224 00:08:09,056 --> 00:08:10,401 Oh, you look good! 225 00:08:10,538 --> 00:08:11,882 Please. I look great. 226 00:08:12,020 --> 00:08:13,399 Yeah, you do. 227 00:08:13,537 --> 00:08:14,984 You look great. 228 00:08:18,052 --> 00:08:19,603 You all right there? 229 00:08:19,741 --> 00:08:21,430 Oh, yeah. I'm good. 230 00:08:21,567 --> 00:08:24,118 So, how you been, Marianne? 231 00:08:24,257 --> 00:08:25,325 I'm dating a duke now. 232 00:08:25,463 --> 00:08:27,255 A duke? 233 00:08:27,393 --> 00:08:28,737 Yeah, well, you know, 234 00:08:28,875 --> 00:08:30,736 when you become what they call ensconced 235 00:08:30,874 --> 00:08:33,045 in the upper social crest, that's who you meet... 236 00:08:33,183 --> 00:08:34,975 Dukes, earls... Them kind of people. 237 00:08:35,113 --> 00:08:36,113 What is he the duke of? 238 00:08:36,216 --> 00:08:37,078 Hmm? 239 00:08:37,216 --> 00:08:38,526 I mean, if he's a duke, 240 00:08:38,664 --> 00:08:40,077 he's gotta be the duke of something. 241 00:08:40,215 --> 00:08:41,387 Oh, whatever. 242 00:08:41,525 --> 00:08:45,523 The point is, he's even more loaded than the last one. 243 00:08:45,661 --> 00:08:46,661 You? 244 00:08:46,694 --> 00:08:47,798 How's your life? 245 00:08:47,935 --> 00:08:49,762 Good. Good. It's great, as a matter of fact. 246 00:08:49,900 --> 00:08:53,036 I opened 2 new stores, so, you know, business is booming, 247 00:08:53,174 --> 00:08:54,553 really keeping me busy. 248 00:08:54,691 --> 00:08:55,552 Oh, that's good. 249 00:08:55,690 --> 00:08:57,034 And also I'm dating a supermodel, 250 00:08:57,172 --> 00:08:59,310 which, you know, is great, because she's just... 251 00:08:59,448 --> 00:09:01,240 Ooh, she's so beautiful. But you know what? 252 00:09:01,378 --> 00:09:03,169 She's also really a very good person. 253 00:09:03,308 --> 00:09:04,514 Uh-huh. Yeah. 254 00:09:06,616 --> 00:09:09,064 Ah, who am I kidding, Marianne? 255 00:09:09,202 --> 00:09:10,959 You know, the truth is, 256 00:09:11,097 --> 00:09:14,475 I am running my one business into the ground. 257 00:09:14,613 --> 00:09:18,439 My last girlfriend became a man just after I started dating her. 258 00:09:18,577 --> 00:09:21,507 The other day, a 90-year-old guy in a deli stole my bagel. 259 00:09:21,645 --> 00:09:25,057 Wow, Ira, that's a really sad story. 260 00:09:25,195 --> 00:09:28,504 Want to hear an even sadder one? 261 00:09:28,642 --> 00:09:31,468 I'm completely broke and living with my mother 262 00:09:31,605 --> 00:09:32,949 in Secaucus, New Jersey. 263 00:09:33,087 --> 00:09:33,949 What? 264 00:09:34,087 --> 00:09:35,741 What happened to the money? 265 00:09:35,879 --> 00:09:37,569 I spent it. 266 00:09:37,707 --> 00:09:39,016 Oh. 267 00:09:39,153 --> 00:09:41,325 Jeez, Marianne, I'm sorry. 268 00:09:41,463 --> 00:09:43,807 Ah, what are you gonna do? 269 00:09:43,945 --> 00:09:45,221 I had my fun. 270 00:09:46,254 --> 00:09:48,012 Hey, hey, hey. 271 00:09:48,149 --> 00:09:50,597 Here's a crazy thought. 272 00:09:50,735 --> 00:09:53,078 How about... just until you get on your feet... 273 00:09:53,217 --> 00:09:54,768 How about you come and stay with me? 274 00:09:54,906 --> 00:09:56,216 Let's skip the whole, 275 00:09:56,354 --> 00:09:58,491 "I couldn't, you could, I couldn't, you could" thing. 276 00:09:58,628 --> 00:10:00,592 I'd love to. Terrific. 277 00:10:00,730 --> 00:10:02,074 Thank you, Ira. 278 00:10:02,213 --> 00:10:03,557 Ah, you're welcome. 279 00:10:03,695 --> 00:10:05,901 So what do you want to do? You want to go somewhere? 280 00:10:06,039 --> 00:10:07,039 Where? 281 00:10:07,176 --> 00:10:08,776 Anywhere. I gotta get out of these pants. 282 00:10:08,899 --> 00:10:11,381 There's parts of me asleep that have never been asleep before. 283 00:10:15,137 --> 00:10:16,483 Oh, my god. 284 00:10:16,620 --> 00:10:18,998 Each time I see it, it gets a little sadder. 285 00:10:19,136 --> 00:10:21,170 Are you sure we're doing the right thing? 286 00:10:21,308 --> 00:10:22,868 Please don't turn out to be a bad person 287 00:10:22,996 --> 00:10:25,616 to steal a car with. Okay. Okay. 288 00:10:25,754 --> 00:10:27,684 Let's just do it. 289 00:10:28,925 --> 00:10:31,958 We're not... not stealing the car. Just... 290 00:10:33,716 --> 00:10:35,474 How's it going there, honey? 291 00:10:35,612 --> 00:10:36,956 You know what? 292 00:10:37,094 --> 00:10:38,438 This is the key for the ignition. 293 00:10:38,576 --> 00:10:40,196 There's a separate key for the door. 294 00:10:40,334 --> 00:10:42,678 Oh, my god, this car is so old. 295 00:10:42,816 --> 00:10:44,160 Are you kidding? This is the car 296 00:10:44,297 --> 00:10:47,676 that Henry Ford drove to the place where he invented the car. 297 00:10:47,813 --> 00:10:50,088 All right. Stand back. 298 00:10:54,706 --> 00:10:56,878 Sometimes if you hit it just right... 299 00:11:00,118 --> 00:11:01,531 I used to be able to... 300 00:11:01,669 --> 00:11:04,495 Let's see here. I gotta go up and under. 301 00:11:10,390 --> 00:11:11,734 Where did you learn to do that? 302 00:11:11,872 --> 00:11:13,664 The Todayshow. 303 00:11:18,282 --> 00:11:22,005 Man, your father's got a lot of junk in here. 304 00:11:22,143 --> 00:11:23,591 So now what do we do? 305 00:11:23,728 --> 00:11:25,590 Now we find an alley, take off the plates, 306 00:11:25,728 --> 00:11:28,002 file the serial number off the engine block. 307 00:11:28,140 --> 00:11:29,795 It'll be like the car never existed. 308 00:11:29,932 --> 00:11:32,690 I gotta start watching the Todayshow. 309 00:11:36,654 --> 00:11:38,618 Ebony? 310 00:11:38,756 --> 00:11:41,823 Ever since I can remember. 311 00:11:41,961 --> 00:11:44,512 Does that guy look like an undercover cop? 312 00:11:46,270 --> 00:11:48,855 Honey, he's a guy buying a cantaloupe. 313 00:11:48,993 --> 00:11:50,510 I don't think he's buying cantaloupe. 314 00:11:50,648 --> 00:11:52,818 Look at how he's handling them. 315 00:11:52,956 --> 00:11:54,818 That's exactly the way you handle cantaloupe 316 00:11:54,955 --> 00:11:56,817 when you're actually an undercover cop 317 00:11:56,954 --> 00:11:58,437 pretending to be buying cantaloupe. 318 00:11:58,575 --> 00:12:01,229 He must be from the elite melon squad. 319 00:12:02,814 --> 00:12:04,651 Get out of the car with your hands up. 320 00:12:04,675 --> 00:12:06,812 You see, thatwould be a cop. 321 00:12:19,290 --> 00:12:21,565 This was a bad call, Jamie. A bad call. 322 00:12:21,703 --> 00:12:24,011 It'll be fine. Your parents aren't going to press charges. 323 00:12:24,150 --> 00:12:25,430 But the cops are gonna grill us. 324 00:12:25,528 --> 00:12:27,183 Let's... let's get our stories straight. 325 00:12:27,321 --> 00:12:28,961 Just whatever I say, you go along with it. 326 00:12:29,078 --> 00:12:29,940 Okay. 327 00:12:30,078 --> 00:12:30,939 What? Honey. 328 00:12:31,077 --> 00:12:32,698 Okay. Don't worry. 329 00:12:32,836 --> 00:12:34,593 All right! Let's go! 330 00:12:34,731 --> 00:12:35,799 This way, please. 331 00:12:35,937 --> 00:12:36,937 What? 332 00:12:37,075 --> 00:12:38,798 Wait a minute. We're actually together. 333 00:12:38,936 --> 00:12:40,625 This is Buchman, party of 2. 334 00:12:40,763 --> 00:12:41,763 Move it, please! 335 00:12:41,797 --> 00:12:43,624 Shut up, please! But... 336 00:12:43,762 --> 00:12:45,692 Okay. Honey! Don't worry. 337 00:12:46,932 --> 00:12:50,517 Ha-ha-ha! Dos cervezas coming right up. 338 00:12:50,655 --> 00:12:52,034 And, hey! Stay beautiful, baby, 339 00:12:52,172 --> 00:12:54,344 but more than that, stay a good person. 340 00:12:56,481 --> 00:12:57,687 Oh! Hey! 341 00:12:57,825 --> 00:12:59,410 Hello. 342 00:12:59,548 --> 00:13:01,547 Ira, Chuck. Chuck, Ira. 343 00:13:01,685 --> 00:13:02,547 How's it goin'? 344 00:13:02,685 --> 00:13:03,994 Good, sir. 345 00:13:05,408 --> 00:13:07,234 Can I use the bathroom? 346 00:13:07,372 --> 00:13:09,578 Sure. It's right there. 347 00:13:10,681 --> 00:13:12,025 He's a sweet kid. 348 00:13:12,163 --> 00:13:14,093 He thinks I look like Drew Barrymore. 349 00:13:14,231 --> 00:13:15,575 I'm happy for you. 350 00:13:15,713 --> 00:13:18,540 He's a terrific, terrific kid, you know? 351 00:13:18,677 --> 00:13:22,090 What time you gotta have him back to the orphanage? 352 00:13:22,227 --> 00:13:23,571 Cut it out. 353 00:13:23,709 --> 00:13:25,088 Hey, you want a beer? 354 00:13:25,226 --> 00:13:26,261 Sure. 355 00:13:26,398 --> 00:13:27,398 How's it goin' in there? 356 00:13:27,467 --> 00:13:28,811 I don't know. 357 00:13:28,949 --> 00:13:31,603 People seem to be enjoying themselves. 358 00:13:33,671 --> 00:13:35,015 Tell me something. 359 00:13:35,153 --> 00:13:37,014 You still doing that running man move? 360 00:13:37,152 --> 00:13:39,909 No. I was asked to stop that. 361 00:13:41,495 --> 00:13:43,976 Thank god. 362 00:13:44,115 --> 00:13:46,183 Really glad you're here, Marianne. 363 00:13:46,321 --> 00:13:47,871 Mmm. 364 00:13:48,009 --> 00:13:49,698 Me, too. 365 00:14:03,278 --> 00:14:04,553 We're the Buchmans. 366 00:14:04,691 --> 00:14:06,001 Yes. Mr. And Mrs. Buchman. 367 00:14:06,139 --> 00:14:07,690 I'm detective Sharp. Have a seat. 368 00:14:07,827 --> 00:14:09,655 Oh, my god, Burt, did you hear that? 369 00:14:09,793 --> 00:14:11,723 "Have a seat." Good never followed that sentence. 370 00:14:11,861 --> 00:14:13,205 All right, easy, babe. 371 00:14:13,343 --> 00:14:16,203 We found a car that matches the description 372 00:14:16,341 --> 00:14:18,203 of the one that you reported missing. 373 00:14:18,340 --> 00:14:20,202 The license plate number's 826OUS, 374 00:14:20,339 --> 00:14:22,201 a 1974 Chevrolet Monte Carlo. 375 00:14:22,339 --> 00:14:24,717 How's business for you? Good? Okay. 376 00:14:24,855 --> 00:14:26,026 So I have to inform you 377 00:14:26,165 --> 00:14:27,925 that the car was found not to be road-worthy. 378 00:14:28,060 --> 00:14:30,059 As a matter of fact, it's not even insult-worthy. 379 00:14:30,197 --> 00:14:31,541 We had to impound it. 380 00:14:31,679 --> 00:14:34,093 When's the last time you had the car inspected, Mr. Buchman? 381 00:14:34,230 --> 00:14:36,092 Uh... I... Uh... uh... well... 382 00:14:36,229 --> 00:14:37,574 Come on, pop, think, think. 383 00:14:37,711 --> 00:14:39,642 Smack yourself in the head. Think about it. 384 00:14:39,779 --> 00:14:41,572 Instead of questioning us, the victim, 385 00:14:41,710 --> 00:14:43,743 shouldn't you be out looking for the parps? 386 00:14:43,880 --> 00:14:45,122 The who? 387 00:14:45,259 --> 00:14:47,741 The parps. The people who committed this heinous crime. 388 00:14:47,879 --> 00:14:48,947 The perps. 389 00:14:49,086 --> 00:14:50,361 What? 390 00:14:50,499 --> 00:14:51,946 The perps. Perpetrators. 391 00:14:52,085 --> 00:14:53,429 Fine. Good. Them. 392 00:14:53,566 --> 00:14:55,737 Shouldn't you be out looking for the perps, Sherp? 393 00:14:55,875 --> 00:14:56,910 Parps. Sharp. 394 00:14:57,047 --> 00:14:58,047 I'm sharp, they're perps. 395 00:14:58,151 --> 00:14:59,219 Just find them! 396 00:14:59,357 --> 00:15:00,770 Great. Thank you, ma'am. 397 00:15:00,908 --> 00:15:02,149 Look. Listen. 398 00:15:02,287 --> 00:15:04,562 We found a Jamie and Paul Buchman at the scene. 399 00:15:05,768 --> 00:15:07,456 My own son and daughter-in-law? 400 00:15:07,594 --> 00:15:08,767 I mean, why would they? 401 00:15:08,904 --> 00:15:10,664 I don't know, maybe because their whole lives 402 00:15:10,731 --> 00:15:12,110 they live in your shadow, 403 00:15:12,247 --> 00:15:14,109 even as you vicariously live through them, 404 00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:16,625 forcing on them all your unfulfilled hopes and dreams 405 00:15:16,763 --> 00:15:18,107 whether they want it or not. 406 00:15:18,245 --> 00:15:19,555 What? I don't know. 407 00:15:19,693 --> 00:15:22,036 There's got to be some explanation. 408 00:15:22,174 --> 00:15:25,035 Yes. My son Paulie would never steal from us. 409 00:15:25,173 --> 00:15:27,034 Neither would his wife Jamie. 410 00:15:27,172 --> 00:15:29,550 I'm not so sure about that. 411 00:15:29,688 --> 00:15:31,032 On many an occasion, 412 00:15:31,170 --> 00:15:33,927 I've seen her eyeing my Bavarian chocolate-cake plates. 413 00:15:34,066 --> 00:15:36,203 So, you're into anti-Semitic desserts. Good. 414 00:15:36,341 --> 00:15:38,098 So, kids, you gonna press charges or not? 415 00:15:38,236 --> 00:15:40,063 What are you saying, that they've confessed? 416 00:15:40,201 --> 00:15:41,924 No, but they will. 417 00:15:42,062 --> 00:15:43,131 You're kidding. 418 00:15:43,269 --> 00:15:45,888 Yeah. It's a big prank, pops. 419 00:15:46,026 --> 00:15:48,198 Holy moly. 420 00:15:48,335 --> 00:15:50,782 Well, we do not wish to press charges. 421 00:15:50,920 --> 00:15:51,781 Okay. 422 00:15:51,919 --> 00:15:53,126 Not so fast, Sylvia. 423 00:15:53,264 --> 00:15:54,264 Okay. 424 00:15:54,333 --> 00:15:55,677 What are you saying, Burt? 425 00:15:55,815 --> 00:15:57,848 Well, would you mind if we took... took some time, 426 00:15:57,985 --> 00:15:58,985 a minute or something? 427 00:15:59,020 --> 00:16:00,399 Okay. It's been great talking. 428 00:16:00,537 --> 00:16:03,535 I'm gonna go watch the luge finals. 429 00:16:07,671 --> 00:16:09,705 Thanks, I... I don't smoke. 430 00:16:09,842 --> 00:16:10,946 Those are for me, slappy. 431 00:16:11,084 --> 00:16:12,152 Sorry. 432 00:16:12,290 --> 00:16:14,668 You're in deep kimchi here, Mr. Buchman. 433 00:16:14,806 --> 00:16:16,943 Sir, I have to say, I have not as of yet, 434 00:16:17,081 --> 00:16:19,976 uh, been given a chance to make my phone call. 435 00:16:20,114 --> 00:16:21,975 Always with the phone call. 436 00:16:22,114 --> 00:16:24,009 Like that's gonna save them. 437 00:16:24,147 --> 00:16:26,456 Fifteen years, never saw the phone call help. 438 00:16:26,594 --> 00:16:28,834 Not one time, ever. But you go ahead, cowboy. 439 00:16:28,972 --> 00:16:29,833 You dial away. 440 00:16:29,971 --> 00:16:32,350 Okay. Thank you. 441 00:16:45,103 --> 00:16:46,413 It's ringing. 442 00:16:47,894 --> 00:16:49,102 It's ringing some more. 443 00:16:52,996 --> 00:16:55,099 Probably in the shower. 444 00:16:55,237 --> 00:16:56,994 Ring... 445 00:16:57,132 --> 00:16:57,994 Give me that. 446 00:16:58,132 --> 00:16:59,304 Are you guilty, Mr. Buchman? 447 00:16:59,442 --> 00:17:01,027 No, I'm not. 448 00:17:01,165 --> 00:17:03,681 Look, let me... let me tell you something, officer. 449 00:17:03,818 --> 00:17:05,370 Detective. Sorry. 450 00:17:05,508 --> 00:17:07,300 Do I look like a school crossing guard? 451 00:17:07,438 --> 00:17:08,518 No. Do I have a uniform on? 452 00:17:08,644 --> 00:17:09,924 Do I have a hat with a badge on? 453 00:17:10,023 --> 00:17:11,712 Thank you. Not at all. 454 00:17:11,850 --> 00:17:13,711 Detective, I love this country, 455 00:17:13,849 --> 00:17:15,124 and I love... its laws 456 00:17:15,262 --> 00:17:16,710 and its traditions. 457 00:17:16,848 --> 00:17:18,605 I love its laws and its traditions 458 00:17:18,743 --> 00:17:20,639 and the spirit behind them all. 459 00:17:20,777 --> 00:17:22,810 I... I love... I love the laws, the traditions, 460 00:17:22,948 --> 00:17:24,327 and the spirit, 461 00:17:24,465 --> 00:17:25,809 and the blood of our boys 462 00:17:25,946 --> 00:17:28,325 which has been shed on foreign shores all these years 463 00:17:28,463 --> 00:17:30,255 in an effort to defend those very laws 464 00:17:30,393 --> 00:17:31,668 and traditions and the spirit, 465 00:17:31,806 --> 00:17:33,686 and... and I love that blood, I love those boys. 466 00:17:33,771 --> 00:17:35,150 Sit down, Mr. Buchman! Yes, sir. 467 00:17:35,288 --> 00:17:37,114 How long you been married? 468 00:17:37,252 --> 00:17:39,045 How long have you been married? 469 00:17:39,182 --> 00:17:40,802 Seven years. 470 00:17:40,940 --> 00:17:42,663 Whoa! Let me shake your hand. 471 00:17:42,801 --> 00:17:45,386 Don't ever touch, sir. 472 00:17:45,524 --> 00:17:46,903 You trust your wife? 473 00:17:47,041 --> 00:17:49,385 Of course I trust her. She's... she's a wonderful woman. 474 00:17:49,522 --> 00:17:51,315 Yeah, she's a real prize. 475 00:17:51,453 --> 00:17:52,901 I'm sorry? 476 00:17:53,038 --> 00:17:54,831 How about she blamed the whole thing on you? 477 00:17:54,969 --> 00:17:56,450 What? 478 00:17:56,588 --> 00:17:58,932 Yeah. She said it was all your idea, 479 00:17:59,071 --> 00:18:00,931 she was an unwilling passenger. 480 00:18:01,070 --> 00:18:02,379 Hmm? 481 00:18:03,241 --> 00:18:04,964 No, no, no. 482 00:18:05,102 --> 00:18:06,928 She would never do that. 483 00:18:07,067 --> 00:18:09,066 She wouldn't, huh, Mr. B? 484 00:18:11,341 --> 00:18:14,133 Okay, here's the thing... This was really all her idea. 485 00:18:14,271 --> 00:18:16,231 She... she... you know, she stole my t-shirt once. 486 00:18:16,339 --> 00:18:18,338 She... she looks sweet and everything, 487 00:18:18,476 --> 00:18:20,196 but she... she's got the mind of a criminal. 488 00:18:20,302 --> 00:18:22,822 This is the amazing thing about her. She's sweet, but she's cold 489 00:18:22,956 --> 00:18:25,404 and she's calculating, sometimes she's just downright mean. 490 00:18:25,541 --> 00:18:27,403 This is just between you and me, though, right? 491 00:18:27,540 --> 00:18:28,747 There's no reason to write. 492 00:18:35,226 --> 00:18:37,605 Listen. I don't want to make this any more difficult 493 00:18:37,743 --> 00:18:39,294 than it has to be, okay, Mrs. Buchman? 494 00:18:39,431 --> 00:18:40,569 Okay. 495 00:18:40,706 --> 00:18:42,603 I mean, I look at you, I see a woman... 496 00:18:42,741 --> 00:18:44,671 if things had been different, who knows? 497 00:18:44,809 --> 00:18:47,359 It might have been you and me, you know? 498 00:18:47,497 --> 00:18:48,565 Sure. 499 00:18:48,703 --> 00:18:50,944 Yeah, right. Listen. Can you tell me 500 00:18:51,082 --> 00:18:53,218 how you and your husband happened to be at the scene? 501 00:18:53,356 --> 00:18:56,217 Well, we were walking by the car, 502 00:18:56,355 --> 00:18:58,733 and we noticed that it was illegally parked. 503 00:18:58,871 --> 00:19:00,801 Wanting to save our parents the parking ticket, 504 00:19:00,939 --> 00:19:03,627 we broke into the car and started it, using our extra key. 505 00:19:03,765 --> 00:19:06,799 And then we drove around and started looking for a new spot. 506 00:19:06,937 --> 00:19:10,108 So you drove 70 blocks looking for another parking spot. 507 00:19:10,246 --> 00:19:11,728 That's right. 508 00:19:11,865 --> 00:19:14,071 Do you trust your husband? 509 00:19:14,209 --> 00:19:17,174 Of course I trust him. He's my soul mate. 510 00:19:17,312 --> 00:19:19,276 How about he blamed the whole thing on you? 511 00:19:19,414 --> 00:19:20,586 He would never do that. 512 00:19:20,724 --> 00:19:23,102 He wouldn't, huh, Mrs. B? 513 00:19:26,479 --> 00:19:28,858 But, Burt, you can't press charges. 514 00:19:28,996 --> 00:19:30,306 He's your only son. 515 00:19:30,444 --> 00:19:34,407 Exactly. If I don't teach him right from wrong, who will? 516 00:19:34,545 --> 00:19:36,819 Maybe that big fellow in the holding cage. 517 00:19:36,958 --> 00:19:38,371 They had no right to do this. 518 00:19:38,509 --> 00:19:39,509 None. 519 00:19:39,543 --> 00:19:40,922 It was very disrespectful. 520 00:19:41,059 --> 00:19:41,921 Oh, it was. 521 00:19:42,059 --> 00:19:43,885 But you understand why they did it? 522 00:19:44,024 --> 00:19:45,402 They're worried about us. 523 00:19:45,540 --> 00:19:46,402 They're good kids. 524 00:19:46,539 --> 00:19:47,401 They love us. 525 00:19:47,539 --> 00:19:48,642 That's all. 526 00:19:48,780 --> 00:19:50,400 You know... 527 00:19:50,538 --> 00:19:53,985 a new car might not be so bad. 528 00:19:54,122 --> 00:19:55,398 Yeah. 529 00:19:55,535 --> 00:19:58,603 Like maybe a 1979 Plymouth Volare. 530 00:19:58,741 --> 00:20:00,051 Oh! 531 00:20:00,189 --> 00:20:02,085 I said we shouldn't do it, 532 00:20:02,223 --> 00:20:03,532 but he wouldn't listen. 533 00:20:03,670 --> 00:20:06,048 Don't let that "bumbling idiot" act fool you. 534 00:20:06,186 --> 00:20:07,599 He knows what he's doing. 535 00:20:09,220 --> 00:20:10,943 You know, he yelled at me. 536 00:20:11,081 --> 00:20:11,943 No. 537 00:20:12,081 --> 00:20:12,942 He did! 538 00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:14,906 He was vicious and heartless, 539 00:20:15,044 --> 00:20:16,906 and he was ruthless and cruel. 540 00:20:17,043 --> 00:20:19,284 You know, he sold pot in college. 541 00:20:24,867 --> 00:20:27,246 Well, it turns out, Mrs. Buchman, 542 00:20:27,383 --> 00:20:30,417 that your father-in-law is not gonna press charges. 543 00:20:31,726 --> 00:20:33,105 You're free to go. 544 00:20:33,243 --> 00:20:34,933 Nice meetin' ya. 545 00:20:38,241 --> 00:20:39,689 Sweetie. 546 00:20:39,826 --> 00:20:40,688 You okay? 547 00:20:40,826 --> 00:20:41,826 Yeah. Are you? 548 00:20:41,963 --> 00:20:43,445 Yeah. Boy, that was something, huh? 549 00:20:43,583 --> 00:20:44,893 I just want to go home. 550 00:20:45,031 --> 00:20:46,823 The things they were saying in there, 551 00:20:46,961 --> 00:20:49,121 and the things they tried to get me to say about you... 552 00:20:49,236 --> 00:20:50,236 It was horrible. 553 00:20:50,373 --> 00:20:51,235 I said, hey, you... 554 00:20:51,373 --> 00:20:52,717 You do whatever you want to me, 555 00:20:52,855 --> 00:20:54,200 you leave her alone. 556 00:20:54,338 --> 00:20:56,508 They practically begged me to pin it on you, 557 00:20:56,646 --> 00:20:58,129 but I told them they could shove it. 558 00:20:58,267 --> 00:20:59,576 I love you. 559 00:20:59,714 --> 00:21:00,714 I love you. 560 00:21:00,782 --> 00:21:01,782 Mwah. Mwah. 561 00:21:13,225 --> 00:21:16,466 And as Leo reaches across the full night sky, 562 00:21:16,603 --> 00:21:20,222 he finds Pisces licking her lips and ready for action. 563 00:21:20,360 --> 00:21:22,290 Together, they begin an interstellar dance 564 00:21:22,428 --> 00:21:24,807 that is as old as time itself. 565 00:21:24,944 --> 00:21:26,806 Off comes Orion's belt, 566 00:21:26,943 --> 00:21:29,769 as Orion's pants fall to the celestial floor. 567 00:21:29,908 --> 00:21:31,735 Aquarius, with little coaxing, 568 00:21:31,872 --> 00:21:33,216 takes her top off, 569 00:21:33,354 --> 00:21:35,733 and for the first time in eons, 570 00:21:35,871 --> 00:21:37,215 gets Poseidon's attention. 571 00:21:37,352 --> 00:21:39,214 Seeing this, the Gemini twins 572 00:21:39,352 --> 00:21:41,695 confess an ancient longing for contact 573 00:21:41,833 --> 00:21:44,143 that the galaxy will not permit. 574 00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:46,142 And lightheaded and full of fire, 575 00:21:46,280 --> 00:21:49,106 Taurus the bull begins clawing the ground with one hoof 576 00:21:49,244 --> 00:21:51,657 and squirming out of his loincloth with the other. 577 00:21:51,795 --> 00:21:54,689 Sagittarius fires his love arrow, 578 00:21:54,827 --> 00:21:56,172 and Virgo, the supposed virgin, 579 00:21:56,310 --> 00:21:57,654 looks away guiltily. 580 00:21:57,792 --> 00:22:05,513 She knows she's got some explaining to do. 581 00:22:05,651 --> 00:22:06,651 Captions: M.P.